I am Claudia.
I have three children. I lived for 11 1/2 years with an alcoholic man, a pilot for 44 years full of resentment for the world and I was a co dependent in an atmosphere of intrafamily violence. We were married 3 months after we met, now I see that that was my first mistake. He used me to venge his ex girlfriend and I used him to escape the problems in my home. In the first month that we were married he slapped me for asking for help from his co workers to get him into the car after he got very drunk at a work gathering. I left him for the first time after one year of mariage because I didn’t want to support him in his continued drinking and that I did not drink with him. On many occasions I tried to leave him, but he convinced me to come back to him, crying because I was the only one that he had in this world and if I didn’t help him and take care of him nobody would. He destroyed doors, windows, threw things and hurt himself with knives. On one occasion he cut one of his fingers and then bloodied the walls in the aprtment where we lived. At that time we lived in Mexico City. His mother and sister came to our aprtment to help calm him down. This incident really scared me because I was very young and inexperienced and didn’t know what to do with an alcoholic. In my home I never experienced such a thing. I fell into a vicious cycle of giving him opportunities to change over and over again; I never lived in peace, I was never happy. He always ignored me, belittled me, humiliated me, tormented me, scared me and blamed me for everthing that happened to him. he controlled and dominated me. When I tried to leave him he would say the exact things he needed to say in order to make me feel guilty and responsible for what happened to him.
When I became a flight attendant for Mexicana Airlines it hurt his pride because I began to travel to Europe, something that he has never done. As a result he humilliated me and attacked me more. Sexually, he always made me feel used. When we had relations he insulted me, he said that I was revolting and repulsive. He made me feel horrible to the point where I had no self esteem.
The final episode occurred one christmas. My family came to our home to visit and one night he took my 17 year old brother to a prostitute. My parents were very angry and and left to go back home. They offered that I go with them and so finally I decided to leave him for good. I now live in Mexico City with my two children. I’m trying to initiate divorce proceedings so that he will have a pension to leave for my children. He still tries to manipulate me with money so that I will come back to him, but it no longer works with me. There are some days when we don’t have anything to eat, but I prefer that. Finally I have left him.
I am Rosa.
I was married 24 years ago to someone 7 years older than me. When we got married he drank alot. He has always been violent, impulsive and crude but I didn’t pay attention. I was in love with him and didn’t want to lose him. He insulted me, telling me that I was stupid and I have excriment in my head in place of a brain. Excuse me for saying it like this, but it hurt me very much and it didn’t matter to him. After two years of marriage our first child was born. He was very bad with the child including hollering at him and hating him. He did many ugly things, that I cannot speak about. Two years later our second child was born. I don’t know if it was because it was a girl, but he was good with her. Seven years later, the baby of the family was born. He was also very good with him. He never allowed me to interfere when he hit them or scolded them.
If I did try to interfere, he beat me alot, which he still does to this day . He has hurt them very much. The oldest child is very shy and very unsure of himself. Our second child has started to drink alot. He has kicked her out of the house several times, but she always confronts him. The youngest child screams and cries alot and is very scared at every time that we fight. We all have hatred and disappointed feelings toward him. We dont love him anymore.
About six or seven years ago, I started telling him that I didn’t like the way he treated us and that I was tired, but he said that we have never lacked anything, that we had everything, a house, food, a car, but I told him that we are lacking the most important thing, love and respect. Finally there are many things that I would like to tell in order to free myself from the anger, cowardness, and other feelings that I have because they are not good for me or my family, but above all, I now see that I have what I never wanted, a family like that of my parents; that it is not true that one must put up with for your children. My little ones are very damaged. They are very violent and have addictions, low self esteem, and they feel inferior to everyone and don’t have friends. All of this because they have a father and grew up with his bad example. He has not been good for them.